whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
