It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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