the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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