Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
