I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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