We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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