My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
