whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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