Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
