Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
