Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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