how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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