I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
