so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
