the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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