Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
