we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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