The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
