I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
