I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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