too bad you live with your parents still
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
