I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
