Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
