It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Michael Bay diarrhea
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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