Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
