Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
