Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
