Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
