It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
