You're earring is so big in my mouth
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
