Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
