I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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