I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
