His apartment number was 69. I had to.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
