I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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