Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
