I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
