Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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