I just made out with a guy for $7.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
