Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
