so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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