True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
