During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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