It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
