i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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