It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
