i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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