I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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