Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
