WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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